so

i dont want to go into detail or anything, you can go to loriebug.diaryland.com for details but my sister was in a car accident and is now hospitalized. two of my friends died in this very same wreck.

i am sad

i am depressed

i am angry

sometimes im happy depends on how much sleep and food i've received and who im around

i grateful ginny is ok and will be ok, i really am even though the blank look on my face doesn't show it. i was so pissed when the nurses wouldn't let me go see her. im her fucking sister.i wanna sit by her bed all day but they wont let me.

my parents are cranky, and grouchy due to no sleep for the past week

this entire week has been both the shortest and the longest week of my life.sometimes im like zombie girl and i dont cry but i also dont talk to anyone, i just sit there. other times i feel better and i laugh and joke and what not. sometimes im a blubbering idiot crying like a little bitch. and sometimes i just wanna get stoned and drunk and pass out so i dont have to feel any of this anymore.

i have to go to jamie's softball thing at cave spring today, i dont want to, but dad wants me to and i just can't say no because i want to sleep all day.

i was invited to go to some basketball thing and sleep at this girl's house tomorrow, do i want to? no. am i going to? yes. because i can't say no to anyone because i just wanna sleep all day.

im gonna get burnt out, i can feel it. i was supposed to turn in my application for the edge yesterday. did i do it? no. am i goin to? no. i missed out on an opportunity to put my foot in the door. oh fuckin well i dont even care.

i have so much homework and schoolwork to catch up on it's not even funny. have i done any of it? no. will i?probably not. oh fuckin well.

should i be throwin myself a pity party like this? no. should i get on with my life and act like nothing happend? might help. will i get my shit together and start to be happy and go back to normal? hell no, not for a while. do i care? no. oh fucking well

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